9) Go ahead and lie to her. A woman might not believe everything you say, but you won't know until you try.
8) Don't worry, crying is good for her.
7) If you've seen the movie Misery, then you know how to make her stay at home where she belongs.
6) Sincerity? Yeah, I can fake that.
5) Cattle prods make a terrific deal closer.
4) Don't worry about her family. They can be bought.
3) Making her dress like your mother is hot.
2) Making Sarah Palin dress like your mother is even hotter!
1) I've checked with my lawyers. If I win, I CAN give myself a presidential pardon.