Fake News Reports!
James Bond Revealed To Be A Pretentious PUTZ!
When two martinis were taste-tested--one shaken, one stirred--it was determined that they BOTH tasted the same!
Experts Warn Hawaii That The Kilauea Volcano's Lava Is Now HOTTER And More FLUID!
Hot and liquidy... isn't that what lava is, Mr. Expert?
Scientists Theorize That Time Speed Up For
A Person As They Get Older!
Unless they're waiting in line at a government agency.
Sociologists Agree That There Are TWO Kinds Of People In The World!
Those who live their lives in a constant state of happiness and those who want to punch those kind of people in the nose.
Attorney Alan Dershowitz Explains That It Is A Lawyer's Solemn Duty To Represent The Dregs Of Humanity.
Killers. Rapists. Thieves.
"There's only one kind of criminal we won't defend," he clarifies.
"The broke."
An Examination Of A 3.3 Million-Year-Old Fossil Reveals That Prehistoric Toddlers CLIMBED TREES!
You know, just like kids do now.
Former President Obama Says Every Man Should Ask Three Questions Before Choosing His Mate.
"And then shut up and agree with them for the rest of your sad life."
Texas Health Officials Investigated 56 Cases Of People Infested With Parasites!
Their investigation stalls when it's discovered these parasites are actually politicians running for re-election.
Jennifer Lopez Says She DOESN'T Want To Marry Alex Rodriguez!
"I don't want to jinx our relationship," she explains. "Plus, he changes the subject every time I bring it up."
Eco-Scientists Warn That The Next Hurricane Will Be "DEVESTATING!"
In other words, it will be just like every other hurricane that's ever happened?
"Uh... yeah."
Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
American Chimpanzee
JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com
RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com
@JimDuchene
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