Monday, April 29, 2013

20 Signs Your Relationship Isn't Working Out

1) She reminds you of Amy Fisher without the gun.
2) You rent a porno for your bachelor party and she's the star.
3) When she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't leave the waiter a tip, she leaves him her phone number.
4) She keeps telling you, "I like my men like I like my coffee," and you're not African-American.
5) When you quote Will Rogers' "I never met a man I didn't like" to her, she goes, "I know exactly what you mean."
6) Your name is Mitch, and she tells you her new nickname for you is Chuck.
7) Whenever she goes to the bathroom, she doesn't come back for hours...
8) ...and she's wearing a different dress.
9) She french-kisses your dad.
10) She french-kisses your mom!
11) Your grandfather has her on speed-dial.
12) So does your grandmother!
13) The circus comes to town. Just to say hello.
14) You wonder why Rosie O'Donnell keeps leaving her messages.
15) She refers to Charles Manson as "a close, personal friend."
16) In one episode of the cartoon Scooby-Doo, SHE'S the Scooby-snack.
17) She wins a hot dog eating contest without even entering the contest.
18) To her EVERYTHING'S a phallic symbol.
19) The cops are always pulling her over for a "breath-alyser" test.
20) She keeps sending President Obama pictures of her "State of the Union."
American Chimpanzee

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