Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Obama & Gun Control

President Obama, the man who once saved my life in 'Nam, has been on the road trying to sell to the public his bold, new plan for gun control. Ol' Bama and I haven't always seen eye to eye on a lot of things, but I must say that in this instance I'm 100% behind him and what he calls his Barney Fife Gun Control Law.
     As everybody knows, Barney Fife is America's most beloved and respected law enforcement officer. He served as Deputy to Mayberry, North Carolina's Sherriff Andy Taylor. Sadly, Deputy Fife is no longer with us. He transferred to the great Sherriff''s Department in the sky in a tragic nose-hair pulling accident.
     Under Obama's new law, all gun owners will be allowed to own and carry as many guns as they want, but--BUT!--they'll only be able to carry ONE bullet with them at any given time, and THAT bullet must be kept at all times in the front pocket of their shirt. Said pocket must be a buttonable.
     How much damage can one person do with only ONE bullet?
     If a mass-shooter has to go home to retrieve a new bullet every time he fired the one in his pocket, well, by the time he got back to his crime scene du jour, all potential victims will have already left, some even stopping for a snack on their way out. Maybe it would even give the police time to show up, and further, that ONE bullet will now be required to cost ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS! to purchase.
     Now, how many crooks have THAT kind of disposable income? I would venture to say very few, if any. That would cause all potential shooters and mass-shooters to think long and hard about what havoc they want to cause, and then decide if they have the kind of cash available to inflict the kind of damage they wish to inflict.
     My friends, surely you can see the genius of our President. First he comforts a crying child at the White House's annual Easter Sequestration, and then he outlines a government-sponsored initiative to map the human brain in an attempt to determine why it is we think we can't be seen as we pick our noses in the comfort of our own cars, AND THEN he decides to give 5% of his salary back to... back to... well, quite frankly, I don't know WHO he's giving it back to. It's not finding its way back into MY wallet, that's for sure. My point is that he's doing all the right things to get his Barney Fife Gun Control Law passed, and he's counting on YOU to do the right thing.
     Contact your Congressmen! Take them out to lunch! When you pay the bill, make sure you leave a big enough tip to make the congressman's stealing of it worthwhile. And then--AND THEN--tell them that as YOUR public servant you expect them--EXPECT THEM!--to pass the law. And when they laugh in your face...
     ...that's YOUR cue to leave.

American Chimpanzee

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