Tuesday, April 9, 2013

The News From San Antonio

I live in El Paso, Texas, and I read the El Paso Times morning newspaper.
     Don't ask me why, but I came across the Friday (4-5-13) edition of the San Antonio Express-News newspaper, and I decided to read it. The news has been so bad for so long, even I'm not sure why I wanted to give myself a double-dose of it. Here are a few items that caught my attention:
     The San Antonio River Authority is celebrating its 75th anniversary with a feature-length movie that they will show on Saturday... for free! I thought that was very generous of the SARA, whose initials happen to spell out the name of a girl I used to date who was also... for free! We do the same thing in El Paso. In fact, the last time I saw a free movie it was at Album Park on a very cold night. By the end of the picture, not only was Captain America frozen solid, but also half the audience. I read further down the article. The free movie the Authority was showing was a 70-minute documentary called "Sustaining and Enriching Life in South Texas: The Story of the San Antonio River." No wonder the movie was free.
     Who'd pay to see that?
     I've since heard through the Texas grapevine that they had a full house that night. After a slow start, the audience was herded in by gunpoint.
     There was a small article about how the Federal Emergency Management Agency is giving Texas $31.2 million for fires. I wonder how much they'll shell out for my ex-wife's hot flashes? Which ex-wife? All of them.
     I was happy to see a column by Froma Harrop, whose column also appears in the El Paso Times. I didn't read it here, either.
     There was an article from the Associated Press about a University of Rochester professor's hypothetical question about last month's conviction of two high school football players in Stuebenville, Ohio for the rape of a drunken 16 year-old girl. His hypothetical question was (and I'm paraphrasing here): Is it really a crime if you commit it on a drunken 16 year-old who theoretically isn't harmed and has no recollection of it? Professor Steven Landsburg really needs to know, because that's the only way he gets sex. Hypothetically.
     Ms. Connie Lingus, a representative of the National Organization of Women (N.O.W.), had this to say about Professor Landsburg: "He's liberal, a Democrat, and pro-choice, so we have nothing to say." It reminds me of that brave 14 year-old Muslim girl, whose name I'm too lazy to look up, who was shot in the face and almost murdered by some fanatical traitor to the Muslim faith, just because she was fighting for the right for ALL Muslim girls to receive an education.
     "Was she denied her God-given right to have an abortion?" Ms. Lingus asked. "No? Then we have nothing to say."
     In another Associated Press article, I learned that after two centuries the West Point cemetery is almost full. When General MacArthur said that "old soldiers never die, they just fade away," he must have been lying.
     Some students at Coelho Middle School in Attleboro, Massachusetts cried when they had their lunches taken away from them by a worker for the district's food service provider, because the kids didn't have the money to pay for it. How young were the school children? Well, they were young enough to cry, I'll tell you that. What bugs me the most about this story, besides what they did to the kids, is that Massachusetts is filled with liberals and Democrats who keep wanting to raise my taxes, so that they can "help people." I suggest they start by helping their own kids.
     And, finally, famous movie critic Roger Ebert has died. I would have been sadder upon hearing this news, except I thought he had died years ago. If you think that's cruel of me, then I suggest you look at all the pictures the various news media outlets are showing of him. Instead of showing Roger Ebert when he was healthy, they prefer to show the deformed, cancer-ravaged face of his last years. I guess cruelty sells.
     That's it, folks. All things being equal, I still prefer my news from the El Paso Times.

American Chimpanzee

No comments:

Post a Comment