Friday, September 20, 2013

Dear John: Special Jack Daniels Edition!

Hard Core Advise From
Hard Core's Hardest Core... John Leslie!

Dear John,
     Last year, my husband and I attended my cousin's annual summer barbecue. After we arrived, I looked for a place to tie up our dog in the backyard and noticed a few dead rats. They appeared to have been there for some time. I made mention of this to my cousin's husband, but he made no attempt to remove them even though they were only a few steps away from the barbecue pit. That was pretty gross.
     I tied my dog several feet away from the dead rats. Later, when we returned home, our dog started scratching. This continued for several days until we noticed his fur falling out. I believe he contracted mange from the dead rats.
     We've been invited to their "last nice weather barbecue," but I am reluctant to go. My husband says we should go regardless, but I feel that if they don't care to get rid of the dead rats in their backyard, they should expect to entertain guests there. And also, the guest bathroom is always gross when we visit.
     What do you think?
     --Grossed Out

Dear Grossed Out,
You know what else is gross? Taking your mangy dog to a family barbecue.

Dear John,
     I laughed at the letter from "Wondering," whose sister gets all bent out of shape when she receives a letter addressed to "Aunt Emily" instead of "Mrs. Emily Jones."
     Right now, I'm holding a letter addressed to "Grandma Sue," and I really don't care. Really, I don't. I really don't care how it's addressed, just as long as they write to me.
     --Grandma Grateful

Dear Grandma,
I really don't care, either. I mean, about your opinion.

Dear John,
     We are full-time residents on a lake and owners of a pool. We are continually astonished at the behavior of some people who visit only during the summer. I'd like to address this to them for next year:
     When visiting your lake home, do not assume that you have an open invitation to be at our pool just because you are in the same complex.
     Do not come over to swim uninvited. At the very least, call to ask whether it is OK, and when you do come over, do not stay for hours and hours. Sometimes we would like to use our pool by ourselves with only our family.
     Do not come to the our pool when we are not at home. If you are at the pool, and we leave the house, take that as your cue to pack up and leave.
     Out pool is an extension of our living space. Imagine how you would feel if you came home to find people inside your house, watching your TV, and eating your food.
     We are social people and like to entertain, but we would appreciate some common courtesy.

Dear Invaded,
You know, I have the same problem with Ron Jeremy and my refrigerator.

Confidential to Hanging Out With An Old Friend
Personally, I like hanging out with an old high school friend of mine, too... Jack Daniels.
American Chimpanzee

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