Today's Birthday (9-18-13):
Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Miley Cyrus.
Special Birthday Message:
Nothing can stop you now!
Except, maybe, that STD.
(March 21-April 19):
If you want that raise, TODAY would be a good day to sleep with your boss.
(April 20-May 20):
Don't worry about that rash on your como-se-llama.
It's probably nothing.
(May 21-June 20):
The stars are in agreement!
Better hurry and get that abortion!
(June 21-July 22):
If he believes you when you tell him you love him, he'll believe you when you tell him he's the father.
(July 23-August 22):
Don't worry about failing your class.
Your professor is a horndog.
(August 23-September 22):
don't, Don't, DON'T release your sex tape on the internet.
You'll make WAY more money through blackmail.
(September 23-October 22):
That person you've had your eye on?
He might play hard to get, so be sure to put out.
(October 23-November 21):
The Bad News?
You'll have to talk him out of using protection if you want to trap him by getting pregnant.
The Good News?
It's not that hard to do.
(November 22-December 21):
What does he mean when he says, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
He means YOUR the cow.
(December 22-January 19):
There's a big decision you have to make.
Why not sleep with as many men as you can until you make it?
(January 20-February 18):
Your spouse has come up with a solution to your constant cheating.
It's called d-i-v-o-r-c-e.
(February 19-March 20):
The stars want you to sleep with the writer of this humor blog.
Don't blame me, that's what they want.
Riddle Me This: A man only has one.
With what a woman has, she can have as many as she wants.
What is it?
Confidential to Caught In The Act
It's more believable if you cup your crotch protectively, pretend to cry, and say: "Daddy, he hurt me."