Friday, October 11, 2013

Dear John: Special Homophobe Edition!

Hard Core Advise From
Hard Core's Hardest Core... John Leslie!

Dear John,
     My male partner and I (also male) are delighted we can finally marry (and smoke marijuana) in our home state of California. When we do, how do you suggest we answer the question that straight married couples often get, "How long have you two been married?" He and I have been living together for 17 years, and it's not our fault that we couldn't get married years ago.
     Without having to make a political statement each time we're asked, should we simply tack on the number of years together without the benefit of marriage? I'm proud of the time we've been a couple, and even prouder that I love him as much today as when we first fell for each other.
     What should the answer be after we tie the knot?

Dear Unsure,
     I'm... not... sure.

Dear John,
     My husband and I have been together for 17 years. We live in the country with livestock. I was taught to remove my shoes when I entered my house, especially since I was raised on a farm. My husband wasn't required to do the same as he was growing up.
     I constantly ask him to kindly take his shoes off when he comes in, so he won't dirty our carpeting, but he absolutely refuses. I have explained my reasons to him repeatedly, but he doesn't care that he hurts my feelings by disrespecting me this way.
     Can you please tell me why?

Dear Tired,
     Shhh, don't tell anybody, but the guy who wrote the letter before yours is a homosexual.

Dear John,
     Tell "Lonely" to check the women's clubs in her area. These are national philanthropic organizations that contribute time and money to various worthy community causes.
     The more involved I became, the more people I met. It is an opportunity to do good while making friends.
     I am sure "Lonely" would be welcomed into her local club. She can check online at to locate one in her area.

Dear Helpful,
     Doesn't anybody understand? Homosexuals are men who have sex with... OTHER MEN!
Confidential to Hopeful
Sorry, but I don't care for things longer than they are wide.
American Chimpanzee

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