Friday, June 21, 2013

Dear John (6-21-13)

Hard Core Advise From
Hard Core’s Hardest Core… John Leslie

Dear John,
                A dear friend of mine is pregnant, which is fantastic news… but she smokes. She has cut way down since she got pregnant, and I admire her for that. However...
                She is incredibly sensitive about it. When people ask her about her smoking habit, it makes her incredibly angry and actually seems to make her want to smoke more. She knows she needs to quit, so continually telling her that will not work.
     What can I do that will encourage her to stop smoking, and not put her on the defensive.

 Dear Anxious,
                I wouldn’t worry. In the Adult Film Industry, I’ve known “actresses” who are severely addicted to a variety of legal and non-legal drugs, and their fetuses are perfectly healthy when they abort them.

 Dear John,
                My daughter and son are 32 and 28 years-old, and I am looking for a good answer when people ask me why I don’t have any grandchildren.
                They have both been in long-term relationships in the past, although they aren’t involved with anyone now, so it’s not looking too promising.
                How do I respond when people bring this up?

Dear Hopeful,
                Tell them the truth, your kids are gay.

Dear John,
                This is for “Scared,” whose husband is depressed. Please tell her to have him tested for celiac disease. Depression is one of the symptoms.
                My husband was depressed for a long period of time and constantly threatened to take his own life. We were finally able to determine that he had celiac disease. He received the proper treatment, got better, and was perfectly healthy when he was run over by a truck.

Dear Single,
                Don’t worry about “Scared.” She took my advice, called her husband’s bluff about committing suicide, and his funeral services are this Wednesday.

Confidential To Poor:
Then it’s a good thing you’re a boy, otherwise you’d have nothing to play with.

American Chimpanzee

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